Amazon HQ:
đź”” DING DING DING
"D.J.J. Watson has returned,” the comms crackle in the commander’s ear. “I repeat, D.J.J. Watson has returned, and he's brought all of his books with him.”
The KDP commander shoves the intern from his computer and furiously plugs my name into the database.
The screen flashes green. 🟢
"It's true," his voice drops to a whisper, lowering his gaze to the shaken intern. "By the grace of Jeff Bezos, send him the invite. Now.”
​
Meanwhile, across the Atlantic Ocean…
​
"Not another crap,” I cry after peeking into Master Liam’s nappy. “That makes it four today—and it’s not even 3pm.”
Lady Laura presses her lips together and shrugs her shoulders. “I did the last one.”
“Grr—” My phone suddenly vibrates.
Happy for anything to distract me at this point, I pull it out to see an email from Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing.
The subject line reads:
​
“You’ve been selected!”
​
Hmm… Selected for what? 🤔
“Daniel. The nappy,” Laura says.
I look up and meet her narrowing gaze. “My lovely, it's Amazon."
"What have you ordered? Wait… you don’t even have a Prime subscription."
"No, it’s from Kindle Direct Publishing."
"Really?" She cocks a brow as Liam lies on his back, taking a serious interest in his… foot. "What do those wretches want?"
"Christ, Laura. You're more jaded than me." Pride almost overwhelms my voice. Almost.
I hand her my phone. "Take a look."
==========
Hello,
Congratulations! You’re invited to participate in KDP’s beta for audiobooks. Starting today, you can now produce audiobook versions of your eligible eBooks using virtual voice narration and reach new customers by making them available on Amazon, Audible, and Alexa. Customers have already enjoyed listening to millions of hours of audiobooks with virtual voice from KDP authors.
==========
She throws the phone back at me. "Burn it."
(Alright, maybe I'm exaggerating a wee bit.)
Let’s try again:
She hands me back my phone and asks if I’m going to take them up on the offer.
I stood there for all of two seconds before replying with:
​
"Absolutely not."
​
No offence, Amazon, but, ah, from what I hear in the author circles I lurk in AND after my brief sampling…
Your virtual voices stink more than Liam’s nappy right now—and that’s saying a lot.
My current roster of digitally narrated audiobooks by Google Play beats out yours and they most certainly don’t hold a candle to Julian—the premium ElevenLabs virtual voice I’m using to upgrade all of my audiobooks.
Thanks, but no thanks, Zon.
When you accept audiobooks from ElevenLabs (like Spotify did), then maybe, just maybe, I’ll consider enrapturing a segment of your Audible audience.
Until then?
I’ll carry on upgrading my audiobooks and reminding my horde of Legionnaires that the chance to lock in these future editions at the current prices ends tonight.
​
23:59 EST to be precise. ⏰
​
After that, the audiobooks will be pulled down from my Storehouse and you’ll have to pony up the extra silver when they are re-released.
Consider this an investment in your future listening experience.
Whether you prefer listening to books over reading them, or you simply want to secure the new and improved digitally narrated editions for the lowest price they’ll ever be, scurry along here before the clock strikes midnight:
​https://djjwatsonstore.com/audiobooks​
DJJW
P.S. Here is a reminder of the rules:
– Purchase any (or all) of my audiobooks at the lowest price they will ever be…
– Enjoy listening to my books while I work line by line upgrading the narration…
– When the improved audiobooks are ready, I will send you a private link to download each audiobook you have bought onto your BookFunnel app.
