I was out in the garden this morning to deal with a sudden ant problem that found its way into our house.
I eradicated the first batch indoors (read: stomped on them), thinking their lack of returning brethren would be enough to warn the colony NOT to trespass in the Watson residence again.
Obviously, the genocide did the opposite.
More flooded inside, if not to collect their dead, then to defy me.
And as long-standing Legionnaires know…
Those who oppose my rule are swiftly ejected from my World. 😈
So, it was time for me to get a proper handle on this ant problem before I unleashed Master Liam on them (and not even the ants could survive his brutish ways).
From the inside of the house, I could see where they were coming in from the garden.
I traced the spot outside, but there was one problem.
An old plastic table blocked the already very narrow gap between the fence and the problem area. Admittedly, nobody had traversed this part of the garden in many years, which made me a little nervous as to “what” I might find.
With a grunt and a grimace, I moved the plastic table and then…
MY NIGHTMARE CAME TRUE.
There, only a few feet from me, bunched up was a big, fat, hairy spider. 🕷️
It was blacker than the darkest of nights, had fangs that would make Dracula insecure, and bore feet so large, it could have worn Ugg boots. It stood — smug and unmoving — between me and the nest I hoped to destroy.
I swallowed hard, weighing my limited options.
I thought about leapfrogging the thing, but the gap was far too narrow to give me guarantees. One bad landing and Mr Fang would be within striking distance of my bare ankle.
I glanced through the glass pane of the conservatory and saw Lady Laura waiting expectantly for me to fulfil my duties as the man of the house and fix our creepy-crawly problem.
Little did she know I was barely containing the frightened child within.
So, I did what any self-respecting man with a healthy fear of hairy spiders would do in this situation.
I grabbed a long stick and encouraged it into the neighbour’s garden. Believe me when I say this:
Mr Fang did not want to move home.
But eventually, with plenty of gentle prodding and carefully uttered prayers…
He did.
I was able to quickly douse the ant nest in insect powder and got my fine behind out of there for what I hope is the last time. I share this story for two reasons:
1. I want to connect deeper with fellow arachnophobes (you’re not alone 👋)
2. I want to show that even I — the Overlord & Saviour of our legion — have worldly fears.
For you, it could be heights.
It could be rejection…
Or being left alone at home…
Or, like me, coming face-to-face with a hairy bastard guarding his portion of your garden.
We all have them. Fears.
Even Darius (the main character in The Divided Region) has them.
One of his big ones is NOT wanting to cease control. He likes to plan every inch of his life, tasks big and small, which some would say is quite prudent given his story begins as a bandit doing banditry misdeeds.
But when the war drums of a long-believed dead dark lord threaten to sound from the far corners of the realm?
He discovers how little control he really ever had.
Like us, what he DOES have control over, however, is HOW he responds to it.
To follow this flawed hero as he wrestles with the grim prophecy of war while also fending off inner demons and external enemies far worse than garden spiders, you can start here:
https://djjwatsonstore.com/products/Exiled
DJJW