After doom-scrolling TicketyTockety for chicken gyros recipes (and succeeding, thanks for asking), I stumbled upon a video that got me a little…
Restless.
It showcased a “type” of person I’ve long come to sneer at in all their tasteless vitriol.
In fact, I have such contempt for what these individuals do that they automatically rank as a Trophy Troll, which is no small feat in our little corner of the internet.
Who am I groaning about?
Food critics (and low-level critics in general).
Just so we’re clear, I’m on about the ones who’ve created a career (or are vying for one) building up and tearing down other people’s work — not everyday customers who have bought and want to review an item.
I have precisely ZERO issues with the latter folks.
In fact, I not only welcome them to leave reviews in my own business, but I actively encourage them.
But “trained” criti-icks? 🤢
They have a special place under my skin.
“But Watson—I mean, my Overlord and Saviour—these people are great for exposing bad actors and saving regular people time and money on dud products.”
So are regular boots-on-the-ground customers who publish honest reviews.
The difference?
Crit-icks tend to carry far more influence than June or John on Amazon.
And the reason this reeks of injustice is that everyone has different tastes, be it in their choice of food or literature. Sometimes these differences are subtle. Other times, they are stark and easily discerned.
But if one of these self-righteous trolls doesn’t like an author’s book, they then post a hit piece that has the ability to turn off hordes of readers who might have otherwise enjoyed the book simply because the crit-ick convinced them so.
And here’s why this has a special place under my skin:
These people are only in existence because other people took some risks in their lives to create something.
Read that again, Legionnaire. It’s important.
They are no different from parasites in the sense that they drift from host to host (innovators/creators/entrepreneurs) and sample their body of work. Only these “parasites” have a megaphone, with many of them enjoying the sound of their own voice. Some even go as far as to weaponise their influence to “force” business owners into their demands (usually free stuff).
Does this mean I’m against all critics?
No.
Believe it or not, some actually have a purpose.
Take for example when you’re about to commit to an expensive, multi-year car finance or move to a part of the country/world you’re not familiar with. These are things you’ll (sensibly) want an expert’s thoughts on before pounding the green button.
But a $10 book?
A burrito from Joe’s down the road?
Get a bloody grip.
Social media has been a blessing for these vultures, and I hope they enjoy it while it lasts because I’ll be shedding tears of joy when their reach inevitably dries up as algorithms mature and they are forced to get a real job.
And speaking of filthy, wretched vultures (is my contempt not clear yet?)…
There is a creature that haunts the night skies in The Divided Region that loves nothing more than a good carcass to peck at.
They are called Nightravens.
Rest assured, they were NOT inspired by the insipid crit-icks covered in this email, but the actual carrion birds — only bigger, badder, and more ruthless.
If you’re yet to read Exiled, you’ll encounter them in Chapter 7 as Darius and the band of thieves he belongs to travel through the northern woodland towards their date with death in Valga (a deadly heist).
To read this chapter — and all the other ones that follow this gritty fantasy adventure — swoop down here:
https://djjwatsonstore.com/products/exiled
Oh, and feel free to leave an honest review afterwards.
I read and appreciate them all.
And if you’re a crit-ick with a small or large TicketyTocky following? Eat your heart out, but be warned:
I will find you, and I will bring your scalp back to the Legion.
DJJW