For those new to this lowly squalor of mine and are not familiar with the Lore of the Legion, then I’ll quickly bring you up to speed.
Critics/trolls/whatever you want to call dissenters were categorised into one of two things:
Orc – These are the snappy, sneery types who gnash their teeth and scurry to The Mines of Moria when you reply.
Cave Troll – These are the ones that provide the most entertainment, yet they’re the hardest to find. We’ve been close a couple of times, but sadly, no cigar.
Well, Lords and Ladies, there might be a new beast working its way into the Legion’s lore book.
I present you…
THE GOODREADS GOBLIN
While trying (and failing) to update my covers on Goodreads for the umpteenth time, I did what so many indie authors and their mothers warn against…
Read my reviews.
Why do they warn against this specifically?
Because Goodreads is known for harbouring some of the fiercest couch critics the internet has to offer, and for some poor souls, it can prove a little too much.
Me, however?
Such mortals do not faze your Overlord & Saviour.
Not only do they not bother me — I actively seek them out.
And, while I’ve only got a handful of reviews over there, one stood out among the rest.
Take this harbinger of joy (for Exiled):
I did not finish this book because
vulgar language:
1- comments on whore houses prostitution and genital parts. (I can sometimes overlook even very disgusting writers like Horror Torture Chapter writer Man RR Matin if the characters are very well written)
2- Main character lame
was a grey morals blob – basically a selfish person who only could be considered somewhat good as he will not murder an unarmed lady but has no problems grouping with killers who plunder and murder men.
3- I am ok with a very baddy character like the very early writing of the Drittz enemy thief/fighter guy. But the writer can not seem to decide if his main character is a honorable knight type or whiney thief man child.
4 I was not impressed with the night time cougar attack it was rather silly and dull and supposed to be an amazing exciting encounter.
I guess if you have nothing else to read you could read this- but the writing is average and the characters are dull and the story seems like a rework of Tolkien but with a Jonah main character
Look, I don’t mean to be petty, but if you’ve gone to the length of structuring your review (like all good reviews do)…
AT LEAST FIX YOUR BLIMMIN' GRAMMAR.
The lack of consistent capitalisation, dashes, and spelling has left my eyes strained.
Anyway, to his points:
vulgar language:
1- comments on whore houses prostitution and genital parts. (I can sometimes overlook even very disgusting writers like Horror Torture Chapter writer Man RR Matin if the characters are very well written)
Guilty as charged, and twice on Sundays.
While it isn’t brimming with crass, crude, or politically incorrect language, you will not have to work hard to find them.
But, then…
The clue is in the (very clear) subtitle:
Exiled: A gritty, fast-paced epic fantasy.
Perhaps he misread it as Exiled: A fluffy, fast-paced epic fantasy? 🤷♂️
Next…
2- Main character lame
was a grey morals blob – basically a selfish person who only could be considered somewhat good as he will not murder an unarmed lady but has no problems grouping with killers who plunder and murder men.
Again… this is a GRITTY fantasy story, you silly goose.
God gave you two eyes and, for whatever reason, you chose not to use them when you picked up this e-book.
Heck, even the god-awful covers I still cannot update speak to the tone and mood of the story.
As does the title…
As does the blurb…
AS does the sample chapter.
3- I am ok with a very baddy character like the very early writing of the Drittz enemy thief/fighter guy. But the writer can not seem to decide if his main character is a honorable knight type or whiney thief man child.
Well, clearly you’re not “ok with a very baddy character.”
You cannot deal with vulgar language without flaring up with hives and it also seems you don’t much like characters with selfish tendencies.
Hardly a proponent of very baddy characters, amigo.
To his point that I cannot decide if the MC is an honourable knight or a whiny (not whiney) thief:
Well, I hate to break it to you, but, uh…
A lot of stories start out with a protagonist that’s either a bit of a loser or in a sucky spot in life, or, in Darius’ case, a bit of both.
Does he remain this way forever?
Well, I guess this chap will never find out.
And finally…
4 I was not impressed with the night time cougar attack it was rather silly and dull and supposed to be an amazing exciting encounter.
I guess if you have nothing else to read you could read this- but the writing is average and the characters are dull and the story seems like a rework of Tolkien but with a Jonah main character
To each their own.
I’ve long detached myself from reviews — yes, even the good ones — as books are no different to food in that it boils down to taste and preference.
What’s a fun, riveting ride for one person is a steaming hot turd to another.
Case in point:
Just a short scroll down on the same Goodreads page, there’s this…
Loved everything about this book. Refreshing, love that it is written in smaller chunks. Love the characters, the plot, the realms.
So, who’s right?
The answer is…
THEY BOTH ARE.
Their tastes are their tastes. Their tolerances are their tolerances. Neither needs to apologise or justify their opinions, but that doesn’t mean I won’t dissect ‘em. 😉
Anyway, I think “Goodreads Goblin” is a worthy entry into the Legion’s longstanding lore.
What do you think?
Let me know.
It’ll keep the orcs and cave trolls warm this coming winter.
I’ll be sure to frequent Goodreads for all of the free email fodder I can mine in the coming weeks, months, and years, but until then:
If you happen to be on the hunt for a fast-paced, fluffy—I mean, gritty—fantasy with very baddy characters…
Here’s where you can go:
For retailers:
https://books2read.com/dividedregionexiled
For Books 1-4 + the World Art bundle, go here:
https://djjwatsonstore.com/products/TDR-Bundle
DJJW